Slinking into sorrow
by anime-freek-89
Summary: Kagome is hiding a deep dark secret from Inuyasha, and it isn't her feelings of love for him...will it completely alienate her? (Complete and with sequel).
1. Scars

Chapter 1: Scars 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of these characters, they are products of Rumiko Takahasi.

Kagome brushed a feather light kiss upon her mother's cheek and hurried out the door; while carefully manoeuvring her heavy bag onto her back. Sprinting she reached the well in seconds and with an unhappy face she jumped in and landed with a quiet thump in the Feudal Era.

"It's about freakin' time, Kagome!" stated a bored and arrogant voice. Kagome looked up with a fake, cheerful smile and called out, "Would you help me with this, Inuyasha?" The young-appearing hanyou obliged by jumping into the well, lightly taking the bag from her, and then jumping out.

Kagome climbed out after him with that sad, fake smile still plastered upon her face. Inuyasha stood there waiting for her and crouched, allowing her to climb onto his slender, muscular back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs firmly around his waist. He waited a moment to let her adjust, then he gripped her thighs and took off towards the village; a blur of red among the lively greens of the forest.

He sniffed the air vigorously as though suddenly thrown off course and stopped. Kagome held her breath; wishing, hoping, praying that her spell would hold the scent back. Inuyasha frowned, "I coulda sworn I smelt blood..." He shrugged and continued; ears perking when he heard Kagome's sigh of relief.

He kept that sigh in his memory for later questioning. She tried to reinforce the spell, but she was far to frightened. Then Inuyasha abruptly stopped and let Kagome off as they reached the village. He adjusted his grip on the bag while discreetly watching Kagome.

They both walked into the village, Inuyasha with a thoughtful, confused look on his normally arrogant face; he lowered is head and let his hair swish forward to hide his face. Shippo had not been at the well to greet Kagome and she was a little bit hurt. "Is Shippo mad at me?" she asked Inuyasha concernedly. Inuyasha slapped a hand to his forehead, "Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you, he's got a fever and Sango ordered him not to move. He's waiting for you—"

Kagome—with a shocked face—was already gone. She was worried now, the anxiety clear on her face. "Oh my poor Shippo!" She ran as fast as she could towards Kaede's hut and dashed inside. She was greeted then by her little Shippo—or to be truthful, his sleeping body. "Oh Shippo, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you," she whispered and brushed a strand of his mussed red hair from his peaceful face.

Inuyasha watched her as he entered. He had been noticing subtle changes in the normally joyful, loving Kagome. He alone knew her real smile, and the one she kept flashing wasn't it. She was almost always silent, eyes stained with tears and filled with unknown inner turmoil. What was wrong with her? What was bothering her? He shook his head, her misery reaching out and calling out to him.

Kagome felt someone watching her and shivered involuntarily, glancing at the hanyou behind her with growing unease. He walked to her and gripped her hand, pulling her with him. "We need to talk, Kagome, come on, the brat will be fine." She slipped her hand from his, heart aching.

"Alright Inuyasha," she said demurely. "But we have to make it quick, I can't leave him." Inuyasha led her to the Goshinboku god tree and sat down at the base of the trunk. "Kagome, something is wrong. I know you and something is bothering you. Usually I'd let Sango take care of this, but I think it's really important. Tell me about it."

Kagome looked up at his face, wishing she could, but she couldn't. She smiled, "Aw...Inuyasha, thanks, but I've just been tired. I've had less energy to smile or find things funny. And the tests! They're horrors, but I'm okay, really." She tilted her head to one side thoughtfully pursing her lips, "I just need to more sleep. That's all, stress does a lot of things to you."

Inuyasha knew she was lying, so he moved to her. "Kagome, that's not it. Why don't you trust me? I've always been there to protect you from the youkai we've met. Can't you tell me, I want to help you!" Kagome clenched her fists yelling, "There is nothing wrong! Just leave me alone!"

Inuyasha stood and snarled, "**No**! This is important, and I need to know you trust me!" Kagome gasped with indignant anger, stood, and shot back, "I can't trust you with my emotions, because you don't trust me with yours!" She whirled around and walked away furiously.

Inuyasha paused then went after her; they were nearing the well with every step. He reached over and gripped her tightly by the wrists and she screamed. He let go immediately as through her white school uniform the unmistakable red of blood seeped. He stared in horror as she rolled up her wrists to reveal scars and two bleeding, gaping slits, yawning at him.

He stumbled back then lurched forward grabbing her shoulders and crying out, "Why did you do that Kagome! Tell me! What the fuck made you do it!" He shook her hard and she broke away from him and leapt into the well. "Inuyasha don't follow me, because I'm sealing it!" she wept and he was left, with only her fragrant rose smell lingering in the air.

To be continued...

Hi everyone! I wrote another story, it's supposed to be more serious than my first. I hope you enjoy it; I'll write an explanation for Kagome's behaviour in the next chappie. Ciao locos, I'm gonna enjoy this one. You can review, or not, I don't really care. I feel honoured **thinking** that people read this, lol. Love, animefreek89.


	2. The starting of pain

Chapter 2: The starting of pain

Kagome dropped to her knees, fiery agony burning in her bloodied wrists. "Baka!" she whimpered. She started to call a warding up but the loss of blood made her faint. Her last conscious thoughts were a muddled mix of Inuyasha and his stupidity. Then, with a thunk her head hit the ground and her face creased into a small frown.

Inuyasha was just about to leap in after her when a smell of burial soil and decayed death hit the air. He whirled to face Kikyo who was calmly walking towards him, a sad smile playing on her face. "Inuyasha? I saw what just happened and I would like to speak to Kagome myself. I don't think you should go. If you give me just a moment, I will talk to her..."

Inuyasha shook his head, "No, I need to know what is wrong! I will go! Stay here Kikyo." He made as if to jump into the well but Kikyo positioned herself in front of him. "Baka! Don't you get it? She loves you! She probably did it because of you! She doesn't want to see you! Not when she's like this, stay here!"

She blocked him from entering and lowered herself carefully into the well, only to be grabbed by the waist and lifted up. Inuyasha jumped down and found himself in Kagome's time. He sniffed the air curiously and all he could smell was Kagome's blood. With growing anxiety and anger he saw her collapsed body and turned her over.

Kagome's small, pale face stared back at him with sightless eyes. He knew of only one way to heal her gashing wrists, he preferred this mean to her 'modern day medicine'. Leaning a face across her arm he licked the blood away and slathered his saliva on the wound.

Then Kagome stirred because she felt something warm, moist and soft touch her arm. With a hiss of pain she woke blearily and whimpered. A familiar shape loomed in front of her; with a groan she pushed it away and tried to climb out of the well. Inuyasha firmly grabbed her and jumped out of the well holding her in his arms.

Kagome struggled and Inuyasha gently set her down, quickly licking the other arm's blood away. Kagome gasped and pulled away. "Kagome, you have some explaining to do. I suggest you start now." She glanced down at her arms and watched as her arms slowly began to heal. Inuyasha glanced down too and said sadly, "If I were full-youkai I would have healed the second my saliva touched it since it's so shallow; sorry about that Kagome..."

Kagome shuddered and fell to her bruised knees, "Why do you keep coming back? Don't you get it? I hate you! I never want to see you again! Go away!" She started to cry silently, letting those false, harsh words come out of her mouth with a vicious speed. Inuyasha felt a jolt go through his body and he dropped down to her.

Encircling her shaking body with his own quivering arms he held her and murmured, "You don't mean that, do you?" He felt betrayed but knew she didn't mean it, could she? She let him hold her for a moment, letting her blissful fantasy play and re-play in her mind before remembering that it couldn't be. She shoved him hard and whispered with dead, dull eyes, "I hate you. Don't touch me." The she left.

Inuyasha felt his breath stick in his chest cruelly before his starved lungs begged for air. He sank fully to his knees and ground his clenched fists into the ground with stunning ferocity. "Oh Kagome, why? Why did you have to say that?" He crawled back to the well and let himself drop in.

Kagome meanwhile was crying her eyes out and instead of heading for the house, distractedly let her feet lead her. It was hours later, her sore feet, aching legs and crazed mind came to a halt. She had no idea where she was. She did not know who she was and she did not recognize the lovely little shrine that lay before her.

To be continued...

Alright, so she's lost her memory from the anguish she's suffering from. Next chappie I really will explain what was the matter. It'll be like her journal or something, okies? Sorry about leaving you there, but I think I'm going to add Kouga in for chapter 4, after her journal. Ciao.


	3. The journal

Chapter 3: The journal

Inuyasha trudged slowly out of the well, heart throbbing and head spinning. _'Oh Kagome, why? Why did you do this to me?'_ he thought sadly. Kikyo sat beside the well, eyes scanning a black, worn book with increasing rapidity; she didn't look up when Inuyasha sat next to her.

            Inuyasha looked at her and saw her close the book softly, a single tear falling from her eyes. "What's the matter?" he demanded quietly, wiping her tear away with a slow brush. Kikyo looked up, sorrow filling her lifeless brown/black eyes.

"Kagome has suffered horribly...and she thinks you do not care for her. She loves you dearly and has been trying to push you away so that she wouldn't suffer. Only thing is, you keep acting like you care and then you come to see me, the ex-love of your life. You baka, didn't you tell her we're just friends?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he asked urgently, "How do you know this? Did she tell you? Why doesn't she trust me?" Kikyo frowned, "No—against my better judgment—I went through her bag and found this. It's her journal, and I think you should read it..."

Inuyasha grasped the small, black book and clutched it to his chest possessively, "Alright...I think I need to be alone, Kikyo." He jumped away to the Goshinboku and opened the book hesitantly. With a deep breath, he began to read it...

Oh man, I don't know how I'm going to keep a journal; I've never been able to do it daily. I'll just write it straight on (saves paper). It's been weeks since we met Sango and Kirara. They're so nice. I've been trying to pair Sango and Miroku, but ones to shyand well...the other is a complete hentai. I know Sango has feelings for Miroku. It's so obvious! I just wish he would notice and not hurt her feelings like other complete louts! Why do I always bring up this subject? I just wish Inuyasha would notice me...I don't try to get his attention but I wish he'd bestow it on me. Well...I guess he does, but only when I sense a shard of shikon. It's just not fair. I feel like I'm being used.

(New entry)

Something's wrong, I can feel it. It's like a hard weight has fallen on me and I can't—no matter how hard I try—push it off. It's like drowning, or suffocating. I'm an idiot. All I can think about is **him**, bastard... It hurts; I've been looking for different ways to block it out, but it just doesn't work. I've tried to wrap myself up in school work or finding more shard and defeating Naraku, but kami, it's just not helping. I don't know what I'll do next. I've been looking for new methods. I found myself realizing that pain can be turned into a numbing feeling, I almost crave it.

(New entry)

I can't believe I just did that. Oh kami, kami, kami! I don't know what's happening! I found myself being drawn relentlessly to the razor blade in the garage. I couldn't do it in the Feudal Era so when I went to school I carefully tucked it into my backpack. I don't know how it happened... all I can remember doing was asking the teacher if I could go to the washroom and he agreed. In the bathroom I brought out the razor and it sang for me. I could see a reflection of silvery, white hair and glowing gold eyes before I felt the first pang. I looked down and instructed myself not to feel it, to enjoy it. But, still I couldn't. I sat on the toilet, letting the blood stream gently off my wrist. It was so entrancing. Like watching a mirage of energy swirl around; I watched as the clear toilet water turned pink then red and it was lovely. But then the pain hit with unrelenting force and I gasped. The pain was overwhelming, I'd slit too deeply and was feeling disgustingly dizzy. Oh no! Inuyasha's coming! Gtg, ttyl, Kagome.

(New entry)

After I tightly bound my wrist with a piece of my old gym shirt I covered my arm with the long sleeves of my uniform. amazingly it had only taken a few moments to forget, blissfully forget **him**. Why doesn't he care about me? Why doesn't he notice me? Am I ugly? Am I stupid? What?! Somebody, for the love of kami, tell me! tear stains What have I done that was so terrible? I don't know if I love him any more... Who the hell am I kidding? Of course I do! I wish, I don't know what it is I'm wishing for... I don't want to restrain him, and I don't want to intrude on Kikyo and him. I hate that, supposedly I'm her reincarnation. I just want to be me! Why won't anyone let me be myself? I'm not Kikyo! I am Kagome! Oh here comes the bastard again! tear stains Goodbye, for now.

   (New entry)

I can't breathe! Help, please help me! Oh kami, please! I **am** drowning! Oh...tear stains Why can't I tell anyone? Inuyasha told me he cared about me and I think he was going to kiss me! It was one of the most wonderful moments in my life! Unfortunately, Sango screamed, 'Hentai!' 'cause Miroku groped her, again. He pulled away and left me, teetering on the edge of a idyllic fantasy. It's just not fair! And then, to top it off, Kikyo showed up, I don't hate her. I mean, Inuyasha was hers first, right? But why did she have to come today? He left and I followed, because I am a complete fool. They kissed...and truth be told, it broke me. I ran back home and sealed the well. It was later on, when I awoke at the hospital, with the scent of blood in my hair and my body aching before I realized I'd overdone it. I didn't go back for two weeks. When I did it was to be confronted by **his** royal tantrum. At that moment all I really needed was comfort and he treated me like shit. Gotta love him...immense tear stains

(New entry)

I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. I wanted to him how I felt but there wasn't time! I tired to tell someone, but no, it had to be him! I visited Kaede, but I'm supposed to be the ever cheerful, perfect miko who never makes mistakes. That isn't me! I am not perfect! I refuse to be perfect! Please, oh help! I hate you, I love you, just leave me alone. tear stains and blood I've been doing it daily, it's just the release I was looking for. Not only my wrists, but my legs and stomach too. Scars are so beautiful. Sango really doesn't appreciate hers. I don't blame anyone for what is happening. I will hold this secret forever. I am not cared for by him, and that is what I crave the most. I've always tried to be there for him. To understand him, lend him my support, but he doesn't want it. I've also always wanted to touch his ears, kami, they're so cute, and they wiggle! Gtg, new moon, he'll be a bitch to handle today.  

(New entry)

Kouga showed up today. Why me? I was afraid he would smell it, but he didn't, thankfully. Of course, he got all 'you're my mate, Kagome' blah, blah, blah. Kuso! Why oh why me! Inuyasha and him fought and they grabbed onto my fresh wounds. It hurt unbearably, but I kept up the pretence of being just annoyed. Try burning with pain! It was disgusting to clean after, I sprayed my really strong perfume to confuse everyone's high sense of smell and—yay—it worked! I managed to escape and relax. I haven't bathed with Sango for awhile, I've been avoiding it. I better go, he's going to pick me up in 5.

(Last entry)

He's using me! Why?! Why do people do that? Jerks! This is the end. I can't bear this anymore. I have to tell him I'm never coming back. Just not that it's permanent. I can live with this, can I? I need advice, but no one understands. I keep on smiling but I'm dying. Not from the loss of blood, but from the inner turmoil. Why does he hate me? What did I do? Well, he'll never have to see me again, good for him. I love Inuyasha, Sango and Miroku have warmed up, Shippo is used to Sango as a mother and Inuyasha has Kikyo. It's perfect. I'm going to slink away into my sorrow. I'll send my soul to grant Inuyasha his wish. He shall have the shikon jewel. Then he can turn full human and be with Kikyo forever, or turn full demon and rule the lands with his brother. Myself, I love him just the way he is, but I'm not important. tear stains I am dead inside. Welcome new self, dead self, I am going to be locked away now. Sayonara.

Inuyasha stopped reading and lowered his head and ears in shame. Why hadn't he trusted her, told her? _'I am a baka, forgive me Kagome...'_ he sent to her in his thoughts. A troubled sigh escaped his lips and he took off towards the well once again, Kikyo was no where to be seen but there was a distinct odour of wolf. "Shit!" Inuyasha mumbled as he jumped in.


	4. Lost memories

Chapter 4: Lost memories

Kagome could hear someone sniffing around and cracked an eye open with hesitation, she could sense something and dreaded what lay at her feet. "Oh, my poor Kagome!" said a deep voice. She felt someone lift her up and gently encircle her with strong arms.

            Kouga lifted a hand and shifted her hair away from her eyes; he sniffed and wrinkled his nose in distaste. "What has dog-breath done to you?" he mourned. With a heavy heart he kissed her closed eyes and whispered, "I know you're awake, Kagome. You can open your eyes but I'm still going to carry you. Just answer me this, where are we and do you know a good place to rest?"

            Kagome gulped nervously and opened her eyes and raised her head to look at Kouga. With his crystal blue eyes, long black hair and marvellously well shaped body he was a handsome young man, but she leaned away from him with mistrust. "Who are you? Let me go!" she elbowed the tall handsome boy in the stomach and scrabbled away from him with great haste.

"What the—?" Kouga followed her with increasing confusion. "Kagome, it's me! Kouga... don't you remember me? What has dog-breath done to you?" Kagome scrunched her face up and stated carefully, "I can't remember anything... but you know me so maybe you could tell who I am and where I am...?"

Kouga grinned, "Of course! You're my mate, Kagome. You and me live on the other side of this weird well. But, for the past months, you'd been held captive by this dog demon and I've finally got you back. Let's go home Kagome..."

Kagome lifted a quizzical eyebrow, "And pigs fly buddy. There is no such thing as demons and worlds down wells. Jeez, you're nuts! I'm leaving!" Kouga grinned again, "Don't believe me? Well, you have nothing to lose, why don't we go down the well?" Kagome nibbled her lip while Kouga watched.

A loud yell echoed in the well as a red blur flew towards Kouga. With a snarl Inuyasha lunged for Kouga's throat only to see a terrified Kagome backing away. "Kagome, we need to talk..." he started as Kagome threw herself at Kouga. "You were right! Let's go! Quickly, run, run!" She was trembling from head to foot.

Inuyasha reached out a hand to touch her, but she shrieked and clung tighter to Kouga. Kouga grinned and whispered, "Don't worry Kagome, I'll protect you, I swear." Kagome glanced at Inuyasha's ears and her fingers twitched; longing to touch them.

Just before she reached out, Kouga grabbed her by the waist and holding her carefully zoomed past Inuyasha and down the well. Inuyasha was mortified, what was that all about? Kagome looked as though she didn't recognize him. She had written that she loved him...did she?

Kagome—meanwhile was clutching Kouga's furs and holding onto his armour with fright. Kouga couldn't believe his luck, Kagome was his now. She didn't know who Inuyasha was, but now she thought of him as a potential enemy. It was almost too good really...

Kikyo was sitting by the well again when she heard a muffled voice ask, 'Where are we going?' She sighed, everything would be better now; Inuyasha and Kagome could live in peace. Then she saw Kouga's dark head poke out of the well and in his arms lay a frazzled Kagome.

Kikyo noted that Kagome didn't seem to be struggling got get out. What was going on? Then Inuyasha's shout rang and she was even more puzzled. Kagome seemed frightened. She watched as Kouga got a tighter grip on Kagome and then whirlwind away.

Inuyasha climbed out of the well and slumped against it, the perfect picture of utter misery and defeat in a creature. Kikyo walked over to him and laid a bloodless hand on his shoulder. "What happened?" she asked and Inuyasha told her; his voice subdued by the sadness that lay in it.

Kouga was blinded by his delight before he noticed how submissive Kagome seemed. _'This isn't my Kagome,'_ he thought angrily. "Kagome? What's the matter? You never act like this! What has happened?"

Kagome looked up with empty eyes, "I wouldn't know," she told him then looked down with desolation. Kouga braked and set her down gently. "Kagome, what did you do to your wrists, do you remember that much?" She shook her head, the complete image of a cowed animal.

Kikyo was following them, she wouldn't let Inuyasha suffer, she would find out what was wrong. She let her soul collectors lift her above the trees and disguised her scent as she listened in. "Kouga, I told you; I can't remember anything. I don't even now if the name you are calling me by is really my name...I want to go home—wherever that is."

Kikyo's face remained expressionless as she floated back to the well and a depressed Inuyasha. "She doesn't remember, I'd say it was caused by emotional trauma. That means there is a slight chance she will remember. I say follow the wolf and steal her back. Try to explain it to her. Take her to others she is familiar with," she explained.

Inuyasha smirked, "Good idea, Kikyo, I'll do that. Wanna help me out a bit? I need someone to actually take her while I distract wolf-boy. Are you up to it?" He looked up finally and met her eyes. _'Kagome, I will help you, I will protect you and save you. I love you,'_ he thought to himself determinedly.

Kikyo nodded. "Alright, I guess I can. I don't have much else planned." She smiled to herself and her soul collectors lifted them both up. "Let's get my reincarnation, shall we?"

Kouga had grasped Kagome's hand loosely and was walking quietly with her, anxiety filing his mind. "Kagome...?" "Yes Kouga?" "Er...never mind." "Okay." "Kagome...?" "Yes?" "Nothing." "Alright then..." This continued for a brief period of time before she got annoyed and yelled, "What?!"

Kouga grinned, "There's the old Kagome! Feisty thing, and more lovely than all others! Want me to carry you?" Kagome blushed and looked down, "No, I'm fine thank you." She walked faster and Kouga could see her determination not to slow him down.

Then he thought he smelt something but it was gone in a flash. Nevertheless he wrapped a protective arm over Kagome's slim waist and hauled her closer. Kagome felt uncomfortable but she rested her head on his shoulder, tired beyond imagination.

Kikyo let the soul collectors drop Inuyasha and he landed with a thump behind Kouga. "How the hell did you—? Never mind that... Kagome, hide! I'll finish dog-breath off, " Kouga said and ran for Inuyasha. With a vicious smile Inuyasha whipped out his tetusaiga (or tessaiga for the actual anime) and charged Kouga.

Meanwhile Kagome stared, transfixed, it twanged a memory of hers; she just couldn't quite place it. "Wha—?" she started to say but suddenly she was grabbed from behind. "Help!" she cried. Kouga turned and Inuyasha lightly knocked him out. "Thanks Kikyo, let's go, I'll spare him this once."

Kagome's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Kouga's limp form. "Oh no, Kouga... Kouga, get up, please? Kouga!" She turned on Kikyo, who dropped her and walked away. With her hands clenched in anger, she ran towards Inuyasha. "You jerk!" she raged. "How could you! Why couldn't you just sit and talk like—"

At the word 'sit' Inuyasha fell forward, right onto Kagome who squirmed and hit him with her fists as hard as she could. "Get off me you pervert!" she screeched. "How dare you?!" The spell soon wore off and Inuyasha got off, blushing, "Please don't say a word, Kagome. This scum was lying to you, whatever he said. I'll tell you the truth, just trust me. I know your past and I can take you to people who might be familiar to you...I should be, but..." His ears drooped in disappointment, "I guess I'm not..."

He grabbed her and placed her onto his back where she immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him. He grinned and took off like a bullet; well aware that Kouga was about to come to...


	5. A twitch of the ears is all it takes

Alright people, first of all, thank you! Angel Flame-Mary, I appreciate the reviews, CursedMoon, and of course InuyashaKogaRULZ, you guys are all awesome. For you, I shall write more. Okies? Ciao.

Chapter 5: A twitch of the ears is all it takes

Inuyasha sprinted quickly as far from Kouga as he could get. Kagome was furious, she'd completely let herself become a victim; it was absolutely pathetic. She gathered her wits and strength then sent a swift kick into Inuyasha's stomach.

Inuyasha doubled over in pain and let go of Kagome to clutch at his gut with shock. "Kagome, why did you do that for?" he asked bemusedly. He straightened up and glared at her, "Why'd you kick me? I haven't done anything to you!"

Kagome glared ferociously and launched herself at Inuyasha only to be stopped by his gentle but firm grip. "Kagome please..." his voice was soft and sad as he met her eyes. "Don't you remember me? Kouga probably lied to you. It's me...it's Inuyasha..."

Kagome struggled and attempted to kick him; he shifted and tripped her neatly onto her bottom. "I'm sorry, but just concentrate! You have to know me!" He stopped as an idea hit him. "Here, read this, you wrote this yourself!" He sat next to her with an emotionless face.

Kagome inched away as Inuyasha stuck a hand into his fire rat robes and extracted the small black journal; with a shaking hand he handed it to her and waited for her to read it. Kagome grabbed it tentatively and opened it with great hesitance.

She read quickly enough and then spat out, "I didn't write this, but you sure are a jerk." she got up and Inuyasha stood with her. "What do you mean? Don't you remember?" Kagome laughed without feeling and said sarcastically, "Remember what? That I supposedly love you, ha ha, ya right! Get away from me!"

She shoved him and he offered no resistance so her momentum led her to fall on him too. Her elbow was dug deeply into his stomach and he made a slight, 'oof' sound. Kagome's head rested on his chest and she looked up to see his ears swivelling. With twitching fingers she edged her hands carefully to the ears. Inuyasha waited, patiently swivelling his ears, knowing she wouldn't be able to resist.

Kagome's hand made its way to his ears and lightly stroked them; she gasped as though she had had the air smashed from her lungs. She backed away from an overly worried Inuyasha and began to run. She stopped though, and fell to her knees, clutching her head with a maddening desire to block out the sound.

Inuyasha watched as Kagome let out a shriek, clutching her head and withering on the ground. Inuyasha jumped to her and held her tightly, whispering incoherent words and rubbing her back. "Kagome, Kagome are you back?" he finally asked.

Kagome turned and cried into his red robes. "Yes," she whimpered. "Inuyasha, I'm sorry, please forgive me..." Inuyasha chuckled and whispered, "Forgive you for what? It's me who should be apologizing. And I am sorry." Then Kouga showed up and disrupted the mood.

"Kagome, get away from him. He's dangerous!" he stated as he stood on Inuyasha's head. He expected Kagome to run, but she turned fiery on him and screeched, "How dare you lie to me, Kouga! How could you trick me when I was defenceless?!"

Inuyasha grinned and knocked Kouga down. Kagome clenched her fists and then felt a sharp pain in her wrists. Her mouth parted in surprise and she whirled around and ran. Kouga sulked and sped off with vigorous speed. Inuyasha followed Kagome rapidly and found her stuck in some brambles.

Kagome couldn't care less what tore as long as she freed herself from the bushes and escaped from Inuyasha. Inuyasha gently freed her and grasped her around the waist, pulling her to him.

"Inuyasha, just leave me alone!" she shouted and futilely struggled. Inuasyha lowered his face to hers and Kagome felt her heart shatter...

I'm so freakin' evil, lol. Don't worry, I will continue it tomorrow. Ciao peeps.


	6. Always interrupted

Chapter 6: Always interrupted!

Kagome couldn't care less what tore as long as she freed herself from the bushes and escaped from Inuyasha. Inuyasha gently freed her and grasped her around the waist, pulling her to him.

"Inuyasha, just leave me alone!" she shouted and futilely struggled. Inuyasha lowered his face to hers and Kagome felt her heart shatter...

Continuation...

...their lips were oh so close to touching, she could feel his warm breath, god it was so inviting and then...Shippo jumped in between them and kicked Inuyasha away. Kagome was almost glad for the interruption; it was getting to personal every second being around him.

Shippo hugged Kagome who looked zonked out and told her all about his little day. His adorable manner pacified her, but Inuyasha was cursing the poor little fox with every ounce of strength he had.

Kagome heard a slight cough and turned. Miroku, Sango and Kirara stood behind her watching anxiously, Sango mouthed, "Sorry!" and Miroku snuck his hand behind her. With practiced ease, she blocked him and after nodding to Kagome called a befuddled Shippo to her.

Inuyasha snapped himself out of his anger and passion for a moment to punch Shippo in the head and kick him towards Sango. Kagome frowned, "Don't make me say it," she warned. Inuyasha, "Keh'd" and started to walk away.

Swift realization hit Kagome as she heard everyone else but Inuyasha leave. Everyone was going to try and forget about what she'd done. She needed advice and only Inuyasha knew about it; and the bastard was trying to run off.

Inuyasha turned when he smelt the familiar scent of Kagome's salty tears. He strode to her and looked down at her; with a gentle clawed hand he brushed her tears away and forced her to meet his eyes.

"Don't think I was trying to run off or avoid this. We still need to have a real important talk, alright?" he asked softly. Kagome nodded and sat where she was. Inuyasha joined her and quietly listened to the life around them.

The forest bustled and the distinct sound of the birds was evident; it calmed Kagome and she took a deep breath. "I don't know what to say, Inuyasha..." her voice trailed off delicately and she brushed a strand of long black hair away from her face.

Inuyasha watched her fixedly; she looked so slight; a pale skilfully carved face and haunting deep brown eyes. He watched as she wrapped her arms around her body holding her knees to her chest and quivering. A sharp pain in his chest made him shut his eyes.

Kagome heard him grunt and gazed at him; he seemed to be in pain, but why? She let go of her knees and reached out an arm to touch his face. He shuddered and fell in front of her. She gaped, what had she done?

Inuyasha sat back up, closer to her than before and demanded, "Tell me why you started to cut yourself." Kagome looked up to the sky, as though imploring it to give her answers. She opened her mouth and then looked down at her lap; her hands were restless.

"I don't know," she replied, voice tiny. Inuyasha growled with vexation. "It was me wasn't it? Why didn't you tell me, Kagome! Dammit, I thought you respected me enough to at least let me know when you were suffering. It hurt me to watch you shrink. I could almost sense you're aura dying, but then, you disguised that with your miko powers didn't you? Cunning lil' witch..."

Kagome grinned slightly, "Yes, I did hide it from you. I trust you, but this was different and you know. You read my journal just like I did after." Her face was now deadly calm and expressionless. "I was an idiot, feel better now?"

Inuyasha just sighed and barked out, "Of course not. Kagome you are always my top priority, you know that! I know perfectly well it was my fault that you did that to yourself. But Kagome, there's something you gotta understand; Kikyo is **not** my lover!"

Kagome blushed. "I never said she was!" she retorted with a flushed face. Inuyasha grimaced, "Kagome, every time she shows up its like talking to a brick wall, you don't understand. Your friendship with Sango is almost like mine was with Kikyo. Soon, however, it blossomed into love."

Kagome heart twanged with a fierce pain and she clenched her teeth, Inuyasha—oblivious to all—continued. "But when she betrayed me, the love did not fade, it remained...for a friend, not a lost love. When she comes to visit me, it's like to talking to a very dear friend. I love her, yes, but only with the same love you hold to Sango!"

Shocked realization hit Kagome and her eyes widened. With a particularly distinct blush she stammered, "Oh...Inuyasha I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me before?" Inuyasha fixed her with a hard look before whispering, "Would you have believed me?"

If Kagome had had ears, hers would be drooping in shame. As it was, instead she felt guilty beyond anything. Inuyasha sensed her distress and looped an arm around her and stated quietly, "But that doesn't matter, because I trust you... and there's something I've been meaning to say for quiet some time..."

Wow...I'm awful! I'm so sorry peeps, but I'm tired and Inuyasha is on in 10, I wanna go have a nice hot shower...yummy. Ciao, love you all I'll add again, trust me.


	7. The fake truth always hurts

Chapter 7: The (fake) truth always hurts

Before:  If Kagome had had ears, hers would be drooping in shame. As it was, instead she felt guilty beyond anything. Inuyasha sensed her distress and looped an arm around her and stated quietly, "But that doesn't matter, because I trust you... and there's something I've been meaning to say for quite some time..."

Continuation...

"...Kagome...you know I care about you...and I just wanted to tell you..." he stopped. What the hell was he doing? If he told Kagome how he really felt, then she would be miserable staying with him. She had another life; he couldn't just steal her old life away! He changed what he was going to say with a trembling anguish.

"Kagome, I care about you, but I'm not meant to be with anyone. I can't say I love you, because then that wouldn't be true." Lies! Why did he have to say such lies? He could feel her despair, but it was for her own good, right?

Kagome bowed her head and stiffly got up. "I understand perfectly," she said in a cold voice. "I better get home; my mother should be expecting me." Kagome marched away, eyes stinging with tears but not enough energy to let them out. She glanced over her shoulder and stated almost carelessly, "I'll be back to find the shards later."

Inuyasha clutched his tetusaiga (tessaiga) with overflowing anger, he was such an idiot. Why the hell had he lied? Why didn't he just tell her the truth? She was mad, hell ya, if looks could kill he'd be one dead sucker. Inuyasha decided maybe for once to take Miroku's advice and leave her alone.

Kagome continued on, emotionally unattached, every hope she had had crushed in six words, 'I can't say I love you...' The tears were there, certainly, but they wouldn't come out. She looked up to the sky and screamed, "I won't worry about it anymore! I hate him!" She stopped and dropped top her knees.

Inuyasha decided to at least follow her to make sure she was safe, but not to show himself; so it came as a very big surprise when he spied Kagome digging a hole furiously. Her nails had broken and the stench of her blood filled his nostrils. He could see she had dug her hands raw and she didn't seem to care. Finally she seemed to judge the hole deep enough—for it was small enough in width—and then she leaned over and screamed all her pain away. Traces of her torment echoed and it seemed as though her fury was being unleashed into the hole.

 Inuyasha watched, fascinated and horrified as she leaned over and whispered something, and her smell suddenly vanished. She slipped off her shoe and extracted a small black object. She replaced her shoe and then moved her finger up on the black object. A small put apparently sharp blade appeared on one end; Inuyasha suddenly realized what she was about to do.

Kagome looked up to see Inuyasha rushing towards her, wrath spilling from his golden eyes. She calmly looked at him and swiftly cut her wrists, and then she threw the blade down the hole and let her blood drip over it.

Inuyasha stopped in his tracks—directly in front of her—and grabbed her by the shoulders. Shaking her violently he yelled, "What the fuck where you doing?!" She glared at him, "What the hell do you think I was doing? I gave up that from now on. I sealed that with my blood, baka!" Inuyasha let her go as bruises began to form from his tight grip.

"Now if you don't mind? Piss off!" Kagome brushed past him and made her way through the foliage. "Dumbass," she whispered.  She held her bloody wrists carefully. Because of him, she had cut more deeply than intended. "I will not faint, I'll get home and bandage it up, then shower and sleep," she whispered to herself distractedly.

Inuyasha was stunned. The he followed her, hidden among the vast forest. She really must hate him now; she didn't want to be anywhere near him. Why was he so bad at this whole thing?  She was stopping, that was an enormous relief, but he still didn't understand why she needed to cut herself one more time...

Then it hit him, why would someone not need to cut themselves one more time? a) because they're healed or b) because they plan on using something else to lay around with. "Shit!" Inuyasha increased his speed and his eyes glowed as he guarded her.

He jumped ahead of her as she neared the well and jumped in; once on the other side he hid again and waited for her to pop out. Soon enough Kagome emerged from the well a bit tousled and bloodied but nonetheless unhurt. Inuyasha sighed, leaving her for even a second had been a bad idea, but as he suspected, she sealed the well.

Kagome grinned triumphantly, now he could not bother her. She skipped to her room, in a lighter mood despite her deep depression and aching agonizing heart. she made her way to her to the house and on the table was a note.

Kagome, we went out to visit an old friend of mine. We'll be back as soon as possible. Love, Mom.

Kagome sighed; she was going to be all alone now. She scampered up the stairs and stripped quickly; how she loved modern day showers. No peepers like Miroku to bother her; she could finally relax. She rinsed her arm first then let the water run.

Inuyasha sat on her bed, waiting. He had to be close by at all times. Suddenly the door to the bathroom was flung open and Inuyasha ducked beneath the bed. Looking up he spotted a very naked Kagome stretching. With obvious discomfort he blushed and looked down.

Kagome grabbed the towel she had left on her bed and Inuyasha looked up when he heard her curse. She grabbed her wrist tightly and grimaced, "Too much blood this time..." She fainted and Inuyasha rushed from under the bed to catch her.

He looked at her body; this wasn't the time to be shy, she had scars everywhere! There was a soft burst of light and every scar re-opened into fresh wounds. Inuyasha was dismayed, what the hell was he supposed to do?

He gently deposited her on her bed and quickly covered her with the fallen towel. There was so much blood! He ran to the bathroom and destroyed everything in his way in his haste to find bandages. He remembered her lessons about wounds and found the rubbing alcohol and polysporin.

Tenderly he fixed her arms and legs, then—while covering her bare breast and lower abdomen with the towel—he patched her stomach too. He leaned over and recovered her entire body. Looking through her draws he lay out a night gown and some socks.

With a gasp Kagome stirred and opened her eyes...

I'll just leave it there for now, I'm really tired. Chapter 8 shows promise—I hope. Ciao guys. R&R if you want. I don't care.


	8. The truth at last

Chapter 8: The truth at last

With a gasp Kagome stirred and opened her eyes...

Continuation...

...she blearily rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and stretched the kinks out of her tense muscles. A soft stream of sunlight filtered in from her open window. With a loud yawn she looked down at her body, and then she bolted up shaking; all traces of sleep now erased from her face.

Inuyasha lounged under her bed, hearing her yawn then the bed springs creaked as she shifted. He could smell her fear, then her anger.  "Who could...? Inu—no...I sealed the well—didn't I?" He felt her aura alter as she checked her seal.

Kagome stood and grasped her towel tightly, "Who?" she whispered. She faltered and she fell, tears collecting at her eyes. "Why doesn't he love me? Am I ugly? What's wrong with me?" She stopped talking and composed herself rapidly. "I will not let him break me anymore. I have to tell him the truth. But how?" her voice wavered.  

Inuyasha groaned silently, his face twisting in torture. _ 'I care about you. You are beautiful. I am tainted,'_ he thought tormented by her tone of voice.  Kagome had been much more moody lately and he didn't know what the matter was.

Kagome dropped her towel and noticed the clothes left on the bed for her. She dressed quickly and pulled out some panties. She blushed, "Whoever it was, I'm positive it was a guy." Inuyasha grinned but remained silent. She sat back on the bed and her tears fell, "I might be dying..." she whimpered. Her head fell between her knees as she gasped for breath.

Inuyasha panicked, he shot out from under the bed and grasped Kagome shouting, "You aren't dying!" Kagome shrieked with surprise then sniffed. Inuyasha—with a gentle finger—wiped her tears away. Then he leaned forward and licked the remaining salty tears from her startled face.

She jumped when his lips touched hers. He didn't deepen the kiss; it seemed to be one of promise. She wrapped her arms around him and he hugged her to him. "Tell me everything," he murmured.

It took a while; she explained her feelings for him, what had been happening and finally her illness. He was confused; she explained that her illness was something no one had ever seen before. It consisted of bloody tears that came only when she seemed to sink into lapses of deep, deep depression.  

"I came up with my own theory," she started shyly. Inuyasha nodded attentively, "Go on, tell me." "I think it happens because of my miko powers. Whenever I cry these tears of blood, it rains and storms only where I happen to be. I think my miko powers have a clenching grip on my emotions. When I'm really blissful the sun comes out and when I'm in pain, small earthquakes start up. I think—I think because of you my emotions have increased. Inuyasha..."

Inuyasha put a hand out to silence her; his ears perked and he stood over her growling softly. A similar growling was heard outside Kagome's window as Kouga stormed in. "Ah shit," Kagome mumbled. She quickly stood between them and put her hands on his chest. Inuyasha growl thundered as he drowned in jealousy.

"Kouga, you bastard go away!" her hands tightened on his furs and she shoved him brusquely. "You jerk! You lied to me and tricked me and now what? What are you doing here?" Kouga smiled and answered, "I didn't lie or trick you; I just told you my point of view. Kagome, my mate, let's go home. I won't leave you with dog-breath!"

Inuyasha couldn't hold back anymore, he jumped in and slugged Kouga hard; so hard that Kouga was knocked back out the window. Kagome ran to the window, "Inuyasha! You idiot! Why'd you do that?" Inuyasha blushed, "I dunno, he was being an ass."

Kouga scrambled back up, fury etched in every part of his body. Kagome threw herself on him, "Kouga, go back to the Feudal Era right now!" she ordered desperately. Inuyasha—naturally—" Keh'd" and turned his back on both of them; inwardly he was seething. _'Stay away from Kagome, bastard!'_

Inuyasha's hands shook as Kagome and Kouga stared each other down. Finally Kouga stated, "You're serious, aren't you?" Kagome glared, "Duh! Of course, I mean it! I love Inuyasha!" With that she whirled away and stormed down the stairs.  

Inuyasha and Kouga stared at her retreating back. Inuyasha was a deep red and Kouga was boiling with a shaking rage. "You stole her from me and you don't even fucking love her!" he screamed. Inuyasha was shocked; the wild abandoned, raw emotion in her voice and attitude killed him.

 He just wished he could say something in return. Kouga turned and whirlwind away and Kagome locked herself in the bathroom. Inuyasha rushed to the bathroom and pounded on the door. Kagome opened the door and marched out. "I only said that to make him leave," she lied.

Inuyasha laughed. "Alright, fair enough." His insides were breaking, was she serious? "Kagome, all though that may be true, it's about time I told you something..."

Okay, I'm done for tonight. Sleep...need sleep. yawn long chappie, I think, my fingers ache! Ciao guys, I love youz.


	9. It starts with a subtle kiss

Chapter 9: It starts with a subtle kiss

            Inuyasha laughed. "Alright, fair enough." His insides were breaking, was she serious? "Kagome, all though that may be true, it's about time I told you something..."

Continuation...

"...Kagome?" Kagome was frozen to the spot, _'What else can he tell me?'_ she cringed. Inuyasha gently put a hand to her forehead. "Well you don't seem to have a fever... Kagome, this can't wait, but you're not well right now, so it has to."

Kagome remembered to breath and did so desperately, "I'll be fine, tell me whatever it is now." _'That way, I'll be ready for the worst...'_ Inuyasha blushed lightly. Shaking his head he lifted Kagome up and carried her bridal style up to her room.

She gently rested her head on his shoulder and inhaled his deliciously wild scent. It was fresh and somewhat spicy, and honestly she adored it.  He was going to break her heart, she knew and she couldn't take that. She loved him, more than words could say.

Finally she couldn't take it; her tears fell and wet his fire rats robe. Inuyasha looked down and she snuggled closer. "It's nothing, I'm just tired." He could smell her fear though and wondered what it was for.

Kagome gasped as she felt an electric shock run through Inuyasha's body. He crushed her for a moment before letting her go. Kagome looked up and gasped. Inuyasha's adorable doggy ears were gone, replaced instead by normal human ears; his enchanting golden eyes were now a mystical blue purple; and finally his long silver hair was now long and jet black.

Kagome stroked his human hand comfortingly, and stated, "It's that time of the month isn't it?" Inuyasha lowered his head, "Yeah," he mumbled, embarrassed. He couldn't tell Kagome now, not until he was back to normal; it wouldn't be right.

Kagome freed herself and stood in front of Inuyasha. "Are you going to tell me now?" she asked with concern. Inuyasha shook his head, "I can't. I have to do tomorrow...it—it wouldn't be right..." Kagome sighed, "Fine than, I guess I could wait."

They finished walking up the stairs to Kagome's room. Inuyasha frowned thoughtfully, "My only question is, how the hell did Kouga get here if you sealed the well?" Kagome blushed, "When you kissed me...I accidentally let my guard down." Inuyasha smiled, "Oh, are you going to put it up again?" Kagome nodded and did so concentrating slightly.

"Umm...Inuyasha? I don't know where the bedding is, would you—would you like to sleep on my bed?" Kagome was a dangerous shade of red now. "I mean, it's not a big deal, right?" Inuyasha shrugged and then plopped her into her bed and lay beside her. "Sure," he grinned.

Inuyasha was blissfully unaware of how this was tormenting Kagome, she wished he felt the same way. Fitfully, she fell asleep, cuddled in the crook of Inuyasha's arm. Inuyasha watched her sleep and was mesmerized by her beauty and serenity, but somehow her face was tinged with sorrow. He fell asleep later, exhaustion biting into his human body.

Morning came quickly and Kagome awoke in the arms of a half-youkai Inuyasha. He was still fast asleep and so she inched forward and planted a subtle kiss on his forehead. Inuyasha was awake and he felt Kagome's warm breath on his face; relished her soft kiss as it touched his forehead.

Inuyasha rolled over—still feigning sleep—and crushed her under him. Giggling, knowing he was awake, Kagome tickled his sides. Inuyasha grinned and buried his nose in her hair and softly kissed her neck...

And then Kagome woke from her dream. She cursed slightly but Inuyasha—still human because morning was not yet there—did not hear her. She thought of her dream and gently pressed a kiss onto his soft, tanned cheek.

Inuyasha felt something fragrant and delicious touch his cheek and smiled in his sleep, he cuddled closer to Kagome as the first rays of morning began to shine. Kagome felt the electric shock of his transformation and bolted up. Inuyasha sat up too and grinned his arrogant grin.

"I'm back," he exclaimed happily. "Now I can tell you!" Inuyasha sobered his expression and gazed down at the frazzled Kagome; she looked so cute with her hair mussed and sleep still in her small face. She yawned and he was shocked by her loveliness even in the morning. He grasped her hand and finally spat it out.

"Kagome, it's about time you know, I've been trying to tell you forever, and I only lied to you before because I thought it would be better for you to be without me. Kagome..." he inhaled with a shuddery breath. "Kagome, I love you," he declared.

Kagome felt all her strength leave her, she felt the world collapse around her, she was in heaven, and Inuyasha was there with her. She wrapped her arms around Inuyasha and sank back against the soft downy of the blankets. Inuyasha kissed her then, passionately and without hesitation. She broke the kiss and murmured back, "And I love you."

It was bliss and the sun beat down upon them both. The wind carried the fresh scent of promise and oblivious happiness. And after a while later, they both left to the Feudal Era, smiles so bright they shone.

The End.

Whew...I'm exhausted. I hope you enjoyed my story. I'll try for something a lot better than this though, it's extremely corny and I am sorry. Thanks for all the reviews peeps, it's been great. Ciao.


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